sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
