i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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