I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
