This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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