see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
