It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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