party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
