Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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