My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
