Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
