yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
