It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
