i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the day after is always just damage control
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
