listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
