Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
