Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
