Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
