dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
