we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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