I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
