i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
