2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
