Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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