but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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