i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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