Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Green mimosas i think yes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
