Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
