My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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