If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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