so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
