The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
