in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
birth control should be required to get into college
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
