You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
