ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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