New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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