You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
