The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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