I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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