Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
