I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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