: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
