Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
