i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
