I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
