wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
