apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
