mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
