Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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