I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can i not drive my cunt home
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
