The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
ok first of all what the fuck
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
