I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
