Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
