His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
