I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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