She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
