He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
