the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
