Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
