I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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