Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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