she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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