just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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