i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
