hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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