I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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